after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
