I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
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My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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