On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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