I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
he was CRYING into my vagina
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
