Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
