It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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