So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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