My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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