she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
40s are totally the cure
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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