God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
