someone get that fucking seahorse.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
