You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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