My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
