Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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