I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
