My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
