Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
