i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
