I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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