How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
