never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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