Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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