Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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