ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
