My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
