She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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