So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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