So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
