why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
