we have officially lost it.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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