It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I wish I only lived at night.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
