She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i just google imaged poop.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Randomize
