i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
