i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
