btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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