she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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