dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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