she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Im part way to drunk.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
