shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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