The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
