Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
