FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
My underwear smells like fireworks.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
