I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
