I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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