see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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