Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
