We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
