She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
