when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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