Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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