A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
