just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
