WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
