I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
