it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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