he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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