I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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