Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
