Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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