I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
