dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...