Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason