i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals