Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...