My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
