"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
