Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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