Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
