Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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